​I like teaching kids so why don’t I have a kids class right now? I don’t have a kids class because it doesn’t benefit them. Parents force their kids to show up so that they can see results for their money and oftentimes it’s detrimental to the relationship with the parent and their relationship to Jiu Jitsu. The likelihood that a child continues training from a young age all the way to black belt is incredibly low. If you start at age 5, you will train for 13 years before you’re eligible for a black belt, that’s a long time for something with no alternate benefits. There’s no college scholarships, not much money, and if you look at Mica Galvão, you will be riddled with injuries in your early 20’s. Jiu Jitsu isn’t something to take overly seriously as a child and the superiority complex that is preached by martial arts schools traditional and non-traditional doesn’t work for me. I don’t do mat chats telling kids how to live their lives, because I’ve seen the same people who preach their efficacy teach classes of 3-5 year olds hungover and high. I will teach kids classes again, but I will teach them my way. I’m here to make effective grapplers not sell a fantasy of molding perfect human beings, however my standard for an effective grappler includes not being a turd.

​I think most people seek a balanced life, or at least the appearance of balance. Generally, it is good to feel fulfilled and not ground down by life. Becoming proficient at grappling takes up a lot of time and oftentimes throws that balance off. I rearranged my life around grappling and by no means am I world class. Accountability is good, working towards a goal is good, but unless you have a plan to rule the Jiu Jitsu world, it’s okay to do other things. Be consistent in your grappling if you want to see results, for a hobbyist three days a week is enough, but also go to concerts, hang out with friends, be a person. I’m glad I devoted myself to Jiu Jitsu the way I did, because this was my goal. If it’s not your goal, just make sure you’re showing up.

I fail all the time; I try things and miss in the gym and in life a lot. That's how you know your limits, that's how you know what to work on, that's how you get better. I was doing 2 rounds on one round off with two of my student's the other day and after watching me they began to try the rolling back take I was doing, one even countered me while I was trying to do it. That's how everyone improves, not by holding tightly and not giving anything up, but by making efforts to expand their horizons. In that same week I was rolling with a visiting blue belt, and he tried a rolling toe hold on me. That's helping me improve, it's keeping me honest. Would you rather go out knowing you have tried or having held back? Sure, you might get submitted, but nobody really cares. Literally no one cares, it won't be a topic of conversation anywhere but in your head for as long as you let it. Try stuff and you'll either fail or succeed then you try again. 

​One of the best things you can do for yourself is get into a routine. I do this thing at this time on these days. Taking the thinking out of tasks you need or want to perform makes them so much easier. It’s not a matter of do I want to do this thing, it’s on this day I do this whether I want to or not. Obviously, you need to give yourself grace for extenuating circumstances (sickness, work running over) but I’m tired, I don’t feel like it, I’ll do it tomorrow, doesn’t exist in routine. These things get done with almost no regard for anything else, and that is how you begin to move forward. Routine by definition will create incremental progress and that’s a very good thing for a grappler.

​Sometimes I run into people that seem to believe that grappling won’t be difficult, and I don’t necessarily understand where that comes from. Sports are difficult always, golf is difficult, pickleball is difficult, why would Jiu Jitsu not be difficult? You are literally in combat with another human being. Jiu Jitsu has more in common with rugby than it does with a lot of martial arts taught in the west. At a competitive level submissions come fast, takedowns are hard, and people are mean. It’s is no different in defending yourself. Whatever you are preparing for, the aim is victory and victory in combat is violent. That is reality.

​What does hitting someone with a belt or paddle when they get a belt have to do with Jiu Jitsu? Absolutely nothing in my opinion. That’s weird, we already beat each other up and get in each other’s business, how did that become a thing? I’m fortunate that I never came up in a gym that did the gauntlet or any other form of corporal punishment rituals, but we keep seeing abuse of power stories come out and this kind of stuff isn’t helping. There’s a massive difference between doing things that have a root in tradition which are harmless (tying your belt away from people, bowing on and off the mats, etc…) and doing things that have no value while promoting dysfunctional behavior patterns and hierarchies. There’s no reason anyone should be publicly spanked or flogged in a martial arts setting anymore. Stop being weird.

​Getting beat up in grappling is good for you. If I go back to Pallaton I really only roll with upper level people. If I go to Bronx Martial Arts Academy I say “I’m here to get beat up”. When I trained in Brazil, I didn’t take any rounds off over two classes. If the opportunity presents itself, I will always roll with anyone I take a seminar from. I benefit from getting beat up and I always have. It’s why I have sought out rolls with Dusty and Harold, both black belts that tend to outweigh me by quite a bit. It benefits you to challenge yourself, it benefits you to get beat up, and it benefits you to fail. You should roll with people at your level and below, but also cherish when you get to train with someone way above you. It may not seem like it, but that’s more of a privilege and compliment than you know.

​If you want to be proficient at something you will have to give a lot to whatever that is in order to take from it, and it will take from you in order to give back. This is true of all things education, work, family, hobbies, etc. In any endeavor you choose the question will always be is the juice worth the squeeze? In the case of Jiu Jitsu, you sacrifice your time and body to most likely be mediocre at it. I believe it’s been worth it so far, but not everyone does. It really doesn’t matter what you prioritize in life, you just have to know that something else has to fall so your priority can rise. That’s why we all have to choose our priorities wisely, and hopefully put at the top of our list something that benefits not only ourselves but others as well.

The other side of uncomfortable is where change happens. Emotionally, physically, or whatever else change can be almost painful. Eating in a calorie deficit to lose weight isn't all that fun. Exercising to gain muscle can be terrible. Going to therapy is bleeping hard. All of those things will help you become the person you want to be. Like jiu jitsu if you want to improve something you're going to have to get beat up. My whole life at this point seems to be an exercise in behavior activation and forming good habits. Setting myself into a routine, prioritizing my tasks, getting enough water, eating a specific way, consuming media that doesn't obliterate my mental state, it just doesn't end especially as you get older. You just keep doing it though, you keep putting yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable so that you can improve some facet of your life. You keep starting in side control because you know that the harder it is for someone to hold you down now, the better your jiu jitsu will be. What will you do today that is on the other side of uncomfortable?